Doc Love Dating Advice

        Women Donít Lie - Men Donít Listen
            Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,

Iím a faithful reader of your columns and believe that you are a genius. I was hoping that you could help me with an issue in my current relationship, something I havenít seen you talk about before. Or maybe you hear about this sort of thing all the time and itís too trivial for you to discuss. Anyway, please help me!

Parker and I have been dating for two and a half years now. We have plans to be married in a year or two. The problem is that she likes going out to clubs to dance. Sometimes she goes to these clubs with her friends and I donít go along, since I work late a good many nights. I have no problem with Parker going out, since being as busy as I am I canít be around to entertain her all the time anyway. But I do have a problem when she dances with other guys, especially when Iím not there.

You see, Doc, Parker does a form of dancing thatís called ďgrinding.Ē I donít think I have to explain in great detail what type of dancing this is Ė you probably can picture it for yourself.

When Parker does this kind of dancing it makes me feel uncomfortable and I would like it very much if she stopped. She claims that it doesnít mean anything and that she only likes to dance because itís fun and she is into the music. She also says it is much different when she dances with me. Weíve discussed it several times, but it becomes quite heated and Parker seems to be disappointed with my lack of understanding.

My question to you is this: what is your viewpoint on a guyís girlfriend going out to clubs and dancing with other men? Could you please tell me what kind of dancing would be acceptable for her to do with somebody else? Where do I draw the line?

Am I crazy to be bothered by this, Doc? Am I just Iím getting carried away by nothing?

I donít want to start thinking that maybe Parker isnít the girl for me, since aside from this dance issue; sheís Flexible, Giving, and a real head-turner.

Francis - who canít help picturing what sheís up to when heís not there

Hi Francis,

Well, the key to your misery is obvious Ė you just happened to fall in love with a stripper and you donít know it. But if you can live with an exotic dancer, I say go ahead and marry the girl.

Me, personally, I donít want my girl ďgrindingĒ other guys. And in the second place, I donít want her even doing a minute waltz with any other guy because I want my girl to only want to dance with the guy that sheís deeply in love with. And thatís me.

Of course you want Parker to stop grinding, Francis. If youíre anywhere near normal, you donít want to be sharing her with some two-bit jerk with a fake gold chain around his neck. Because what sheís doing is a very sexual and inappropriate expression, especially with a guy she met three minutes ago.

What you donít realize though is that Parker is feeding off this like a little shark. Thereís more going on with her behavior than just a simple turn on the dance floor. This babe is getting her jollies by putting on a show for all the lounge lizards. You mention that sheís also a knockout, which of course complicates the matter enormously. Can you imagine all the attention she commands when sheís out there shaking her booty on the dance floor? Know what Sal ďThe FishĒ Love would say to you? ďYo, dude Ė wake up and smell the jungle gardenias! There are guys lined up around the block waiting their turn!Ē

So we got problems with this girl, buddy. But my question to you is: why in the world did it take you two and a half years to write me? Because Iím sure Parker was grinding within the first 60 days of your relationship. Ever try making a tiger change its stripes? It ainít gonna happen.

I hate to break the bad news to you, my friend, but Parkerís not into the latest hit by Gwen Stefani or Destinyís Child. Sheís into turning guysí heads upside down and toying with the poor things. To you Psych majors, when women do provocative or outrageous things, itís usually because they want some type of feedback or reaction. Parker gets her kicks by watching her grinding partners fall apart over her.

But wait a minute Ė you tell me itís ďmuch differentĒ when she dances with you. What exactly does Parker do? Do you two stay four feet apart -- and then afterwards she goes out and grinds with the other guys? I think your girlís got it backwards.

Hereís my take on the situation: for a guyís fiancé to go out and dance with other guys is a deal-breaker. What do I think is acceptable? Well, Parker can dance fast, as long as sheís at least two feet from the other fellow. And if she wants to dance slowly, it has to be at your cousinís wedding! Unless theyíre family or good friends, I donít want her to want to dance with other guys. PERIOD.

But Francis, why does your girlfriend get off on dancing with strangers? Could it have something to do with her shaky Interest Level in you? The line youíre talking about drawing today should have been drawn two and a half years ago. Heck no, youíre not crazy to be bothered by what sheís doing. Parkerís actions are disrespectful to you. Itís not a matter of jealousy and possessiveness, which is no doubt what sheís throwing in your face. The Bottom Line Factor says that itís just not right. Or, as my cousin Rabbi Love would say, ďIt ainít kosher!Ē

Now, if you want to take some action so you donít feel completely emasculated, why donít you open the Yellow Pages and hire a stripper and have her come out and grind you in front of Parker all night? For that matter, why donít you hire three of them, to make it more fun? (Itíll cost you $450 -- they run about $150 each.) Youíll have these three bombshells sashay in, youíll do the bump and grind with them, and then weíll see what Parker has to say! ďWhatís good for the goose is good for the gander,Ē says my Uncle Jethro Love.

But hey, man, Iím sure that Parker is Flexible and a Giver, just like you said. The bad part is that sheís Flexible and a Giver with every Tony Manero who boogies through the disco door. You might not be able to imagine what Parkerís doing when youíre not there, but I can -- and I havenít even met her yet!

Remember, guys:  if they want to grind strangers, itís a deal-breaker.

To send me your love questions or to find out more about ďThe System,Ē visit me at or call (800) 404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, ďWhy do you stay with one man versus another?Ē

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