Doc Love Dating Advice
WOULD PRINCE LET HER GO WILD ON THE DANCE FLOOR?
Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I’m a faithful reader of your columns and believe that you are a genius. I was hoping that you could help me with an issue in my current relationship, something I haven’t seen you talk about before. Or maybe you hear about this sort of thing all the time and it’s too trivial for you to discuss. Anyway, please help me!
Parker and I have been dating for two and a half years now. We have plans to be married in a year or two. The problem is that she likes going out to clubs to dance. Sometimes she goes to these clubs with her friends and I don’t go along, since I work late a good many nights. I have no problem with Parker going out, since being as busy as I am I can’t be around to entertain her all the time anyway. But I do have a problem when she dances with other guys, especially when I’m not there.
You see, Doc, Parker does a form of dancing that’s called “grinding.” I don’t think I have to explain in great detail what type of dancing this is – you probably can picture it for yourself.
When Parker does this kind of dancing it makes me feel uncomfortable and I would like it very much if she stopped. She claims that it doesn’t mean anything and that she only likes to dance because it’s fun and she is into the music. She also says it is much different when she dances with me. We’ve discussed it several times, but it becomes quite heated and Parker seems to be disappointed with my lack of understanding.
My question to you is this: what is your viewpoint on a guy’s girlfriend going out to clubs and dancing with other men? Could you please tell me what kind of dancing would be acceptable for her to do with somebody else? Where do I draw the line?
Am I crazy to be bothered by this, Doc? Am I just I’m getting carried away by nothing?
I don’t want to start thinking that maybe Parker isn’t the girl for me, since aside from this dance issue; she’s Flexible, Giving, and a real head-turner.
Francis - who can’t help picturing what she’s up to when he’s not there
Well, the key to your misery is obvious – you just happened to fall in love with a stripper and you don’t know it. But if you can live with an exotic dancer, I say go ahead and marry the girl.
Me, personally, I don’t want my girl “grinding” other guys. And in the second place, I don’t want her even doing a minute waltz with any other guy because I want my girl to only want to dance with the guy that she’s deeply in love with. And that’s me.
Of course you want Parker to stop grinding, Francis. If you’re anywhere near normal, you don’t want to be sharing her with some two-bit jerk with a fake gold chain around his neck. Because what she’s doing is a very sexual and inappropriate expression, especially with a guy she met three minutes ago.
What you don’t realize though is that Parker is feeding off this like a little shark. There’s more going on with her behavior than just a simple turn on the dance floor. This babe is getting her jollies by putting on a show for all the lounge lizards. You mention that she’s also a knockout, which of course complicates the matter enormously. Can you imagine all the attention she commands when she’s out there shaking her booty on the dance floor? Know what Sal “The Fish” Love would say to you? “Yo, dude – wake up and smell the jungle gardenias! There are guys lined up around the block waiting their turn!”
So we got problems with this girl, buddy. But my question to you is: why in the world did it take you two and a half years to write me? Because I’m sure Parker was grinding within the first 60 days of your relationship. Ever try making a tiger change its stripes? It ain’t gonna happen.
I hate to break the bad news to you, my friend, but Parker’s not into the latest hit by Gwen Stefani or Destiny’s Child. She’s into turning guys’ heads upside down and toying with the poor things. To you Psych majors, when women do provocative or outrageous things, it’s usually because they want some type of feedback or reaction. Parker gets her kicks by watching her grinding partners fall apart over her.
But wait a minute – you tell me it’s “much different” when she dances with you. What exactly does Parker do? Do you two stay four feet apart -- and then afterwards she goes out and grinds with the other guys? I think your girl’s got it backwards.
Here’s my take on the situation: for a guy’s fiancé to go out and dance with other guys is a deal-breaker. What do I think is acceptable? Well, Parker can dance fast, as long as she’s at least two feet from the other fellow. And if she wants to dance slowly, it has to be at your cousin’s wedding! Unless they’re family or good friends, I don’t want her to want to dance with other guys. PERIOD.
But Francis, why does your girlfriend get off on dancing with strangers? Could it have something to do with her shaky Interest Level in you? The line you’re talking about drawing today should have been drawn two and a half years ago. Heck no, you’re not crazy to be bothered by what she’s doing. Parker’s actions are disrespectful to you. It’s not a matter of jealousy and possessiveness, which is no doubt what she’s throwing in your face. The Bottom Line Factor says that it’s just not right. Or, as my cousin Rabbi Love would say, “It ain’t kosher!”
Now, if you want to take some action so you don’t feel completely emasculated, why don’t you open the Yellow Pages and hire a stripper and have her come out and grind you in front of Parker all night? For that matter, why don’t you hire three of them, to make it more fun? (It’ll cost you $450 -- they run about $150 each.) You’ll have these three bombshells sashay in, you’ll do the bump and grind with them, and then we’ll see what Parker has to say! “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander,” says my Uncle Jethro Love.
But hey, man, I’m sure that Parker is Flexible and a Giver, just like you said. The bad part is that she’s Flexible and a Giver with every Tony Manero who boogies through the disco door. You might not be able to imagine what Parker’s doing when you’re not there, but I can -- and I haven’t even met her yet!
Remember, guys: if they want to grind strangers, it’s a deal-breaker.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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