Doc Love Dating Advice
DID MICHAEL DOUGLAS EVER GET HELP WITH GIRLS FROM HIS OLD MAN?
Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I know I’m not the typical person who contacts you, but I’m hoping you can give me some advice here.
I’m actually writing for my son, Robbie. He’s young – 14 – a freshman in high school, and has really discovered girls just lately. (I’m sure he noticed them before, but now he’s getting serious.) The problem is that he doesn’t know his butt from his elbow about what to do with them. I guess all of us guys have been there, but since I love the kid, I was hoping that maybe I could save him some of the agony and torture that I went through until I figured out which end was up. But Doc, it doesn’t seem to be working. In the first place, he doesn’t want to listen to his old man, and in the second, he’s already acting like a complete fool when he’s around the opposite sex.
For example, he doesn’t know how to talk to girls whatsoever. He’s got a crush on Julie, a girl in his class. He can’t seem to bring himself to have a conversation with her in person, so he calls her on the phone at her home, says hello to her, then, when she doesn’t respond, there’s just dead air until she says she has to go and hangs up. I know about this because he has admitted as much to me. When I try and make a suggestion, he wants no part of it. Frankly, Doc, he thinks I’m totally un-hip. Hey, maybe I am.
It’s very frustrating for me to watch this because Robbie is a good-looking kid, and despite his ineptitude is very intelligent. I hate to see him suffer for nothing.
I was referred to you by a friend who swears by your columns and books. He even calls himself a disciple of yours. That got me reading your column on Askmen.com and I found myself intrigued. But I do have to wonder if your material is appropriate for younger people. Do you think they have the capacity to understand it? Do they have the self-control to practice it? Do you think it would be a good idea for me to buy “The System” for my son? Is the book good for people of all ages?
While you’re at it, Doc, would you have a simple tip that might get Robbie started with Julie? Thanks for anything you might be able to give me.
Carter - who’d do anything to help his kid
You’re right -- you’re not exactly the typical desperado who writes to me, but a considerable minority of my sales are to people who would like to see their grandchildren. What does that tell you, pal?
What most people don’t realize is that with the divorce rate as high as it is, and with women filing two-thirds of the time, the odds are not good that they’re going to be seeing their own grandchildren. And so for parents who have sons, whether they’re 14 or 18 or 22, the sooner they get “The System” the better -- it dramatically increases the chances that their parents are going to be able see their own grandkids.
Because what happens after a divorce is that the grandparents are forgotten. I’ve read quite a few articles in various publications about these poor people fighting for their rights in this area. When the wife takes the kids after a bloody courtroom battle, it’s all over but the weeping.
Now come on, Carter, your kid shouldn’t know what to do with girls – he’s only 14! He’s not 24, so lighten up on him! Like Sal “The Fish” Love says, “Even Warren Beatty wasn’t Warren Beatty when he was a kid!” And although your heart is in the right place, and as much as you don’t want to see him make the mistakes that have to be made and that you no doubt made yourself, you can’t save him from the inevitable agony and torture that results from the battlefield of dating. Until the boy is ready, you have to keep your mouth shut until he asks you a question -- then you slip him The Dating Dictionary. But before you do that, YOU need to study it in order to properly feed him the correct information. (And there’s a bonus in it for you -- it will help you with Mom!)
If Robbie’s not ready to listen to his old man, it means he’s just not ready. The sad truth, Carter, is that he’ll have to come to you when he’s in enough pain. So you’re going to have let him go out there and get brutalized. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “Don’t worry – the American female will take good care of him. When she hands him his head enough times, then maybe you’ll be able to do something for him!”
Don’t sweat it if he acts like a complete fool around the opposite sex, pal. I see otherwise successful 38-year-old guys who act like bumbling idiots around women and would never even dream of opening my book if you gave it to them gift-wrapped. So don’t feel alone, or like you’re the oddball on the block because your kid isn’t Jack Nicholson. Not knowing what to do when it comes to women is a widespread condition. Why do you think there’s so much misery in the world?
But sure, when you make a suggestion, Robbie wants no part of it – he needs to come to you for help first. So let him keep getting the cold shoulder. Let him keep getting the phone slammed down in his ear. What you might suggest to him is something like, “When girls like you, they help you out!” (Although it’s basic, this is a brilliant observation, Carter. You’d be surprised how many men never figure it out for themselves!) And then don’t say any more to him. See what he does with it.
Rest assured that your son is not suffering for nothing – there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. When he finally does get around to my principles, he’ll be able to relate to them because he’s been there: he’s been stuck in that lousy, powerless position where his Heidi Klum look-alike is playing with his heart like it was a 50-cent yo-yo. So the bitter truth is that he’s got to get knocked around some first.
To move on to your next question, my techniques are appropriate for any guy who likes women and hates rejection – the most despised emotion. Do the younger ones have the capacity to understand it? Well, you’ve got to spoon-feed it to them when they ask for advice – dole it out a little bit at a time. Do they have the self-control to practice it? Depends on the individual and how much pain he’s in.
As long as you’re breathing and have $99, my book is good for you, and that’s the beauty of it. Buy it for yourself, dude, and read it, so you’re ready for anything Robbie throws at you. When he turns 18, present it to him. But until then you’ll just have to play the part of Doc Love.
Robbie doesn’t need any tips on Julie. You have to wait for him to come to you.
Remember, guys: you’ve got to be ready to handle the truth.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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