Doc Love Dating Advice

                        Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
                                 Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,
I’ve got a problem I bet you’ve never seen or heard of before. But first a little background.
I met Melinda six months ago at a local airport where I’m a weekend flight instructor. She took several lessons from me before the relationship turned from teacher-student to something more romantic. We started to date and for a couple of months everything was great. We have lots of things in common aside from flying planes – we’re of the same religion, have similar political points of view, and share many of the same desires for what we want to do in the long run with our lives.
Melinda is extremely attractive and very intelligent. Since she is fun-loving and adventurous, I mistook those things for some of the character traits you list as the most important in your writings, and this is where I ran into trouble and where the problem comes in.
It seems that Melinda is something of a “daddy’s girl,” and I think this has the potential to drive me crazy and ruin the entire relationship. For instance, we were having dinner at her apartment a few weeks ago when the phone rang. She got up to answer it, which annoyed me since we were smack in the middle of what I thought was a romantic evening. Well, her father (who bought Melinda her own small plane, incidentally) wanted to talk about some problem he was having at his business and she sat there rapping with him for about 45 minutes until the food went stone cold. I was furious, but said nothing. When she finally hung up the romantic spell was broken. She told me, “I hope you didn’t mind that, but my dad and I are really close and we always consult each other when there’s a problem.”
Since then I’ve begun to notice that instead of being Flexible and Giving, Melinda is quite rigid when it comes to her father. They definitely seem to be each other’s favorite person in life. What’s worse is that he doesn’t think all that much of me. Even though I know how to fly a plane and make a decent living working as a manager for a medical advertising agency, I get the distinct feeling that he thinks I’m not quite good enough for his little princess.
Most disturbing of all is that we recently had an argument and instead of working it out with me, she called her father to talk about it. It makes me think that in the event of a serious problem, she’ll run off to him rather than stick it out with me.
Doc, what’s your take on this? Is this typical female behavior? What do you think I should do?
James - who’s not a mamma’s boy
Hi James,
It’s a real shame you’re having problems with Melinda, because your relationship started off on the best foot possible. As a teacher you’re in a sweet position. It’s kind of like being a celebrity, but on a smaller scale. In the teacher-student situation the woman is looking up to you, plus she wants to learn something and you’re supposedly the best at it because you’re the expert. So you have what I call Position or Posture coming into the relationship. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “Heck, man, you’re looking good even before she meets you!” (All of this presupposes that you’re not taking advantage of the situation, of course!)
And you got a bonus, pal, in that you two have pretty much everything in common. You are so, so lucky because just look at how many people in this world get married with nothing in common, and they don’t spend any time finding the things that they’d like to do together.
So you really have it beat here -- you’re coming in from a strong place, and to boot your values and hobbies are the same. You and Melinda are fortunate to have something good – but like most things in life, it won’t last.
Because you’re right, James, like most clueless guys you mistook what you and Melinda had in common for the really important things – which I call Integrity, Giving and Flexibility. You just accepted her at face value without checking to see whether she really had those key personality traits. The truth is that your eyes were closed -- because you were sharing too many laughs with this beauty.
But now you’re not laughing anymore. Your romantic evening with Melinda was a big deal, the real litmus test. What she did by ignoring you was either totally disrespectful, or she has higher Interest Level in somebody else.
Now I want you Psych majors to take note of this. If this babe talks to her daddy for 45 minutes two or three times a year, you should marry her. Because it says something good about her character. But if she does it two or three times a month, it’ll drive you nuts. Then you have to get rid of her. Let’s face it: if Melinda consults her father whenever she has a problem, in Womanese it means he’s closer to her than you’ll ever be.  
I have to correct you on something here, Jimbo. Actually, Melinda is not a rigid girl. She’s actually quite Flexible and Giving -- to her father. She’s just inflexible with you – who happens to be her second choice.
Let me tell you something about her old man. When you met this guy, maybe you were dead in the water before you even started with his daughter, but you should have done everything possible to get him to like you, including sucking up to him – it’s real important to have him in your corner. On the other hand, it might not be your salary, or the way you look, or the car you drive that he objects to. It might just be that he likes his daughter more than he digs his old lady.
In the event of a serious problem, you ask, what if she runs off to papa? As Brother Love would say, “Hallelujah, bro, you said a mouthful there!” Unfortunately for you, you got it dead on. When the bad stuff comes down – and it always does sooner or later – Melinda will be out on the golf course with her dad.
Now – how long will you put up with this crap? That’s the point here – think about having to deal with Melinda’s daddy lurking in the background day after day, week after week, month after month. Like Sal “The Fish” Love says, “If you decide you want to keep her, move to Australia!”
What’s my take on this thing, James? My take is that I think you’re going to get burned down the road. And of course, this is not typical female behavior.  Not by a long shot.
Remember, guys: until she can make the break from her pops, forget about her.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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