Doc Love Dating Advice
WHAT WOULD JACK NICHOLSON DO IF HE FOUND OUT SHE WAS MARRIED?
Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I’m a devoted student of the philosophy of your teachings. As a result of paying attention to your material, I’m able to analyze most situations with women as fast as lightning.
But a certain situation that I’ve run into lately has me a little perplexed: married women without wedding rings. For instance, I’m at the cleaners the other day and the cashier is this beautiful Latina girl (a dead ringer for Jennifer Lopez, actually) giving me classic high interest buying signals (laughing at my dumb jokes, making solid eye contact, blushing, and asking questions about my job). By the way, I’m not a regular patron at that business and had never seen her before. So after getting her name – Eva -- I ask her for the home phone number and attempt to close the deal. All of a sudden a disappointed look appears on her face and she says, “Oh, sorry, I can’t -- I’m married.”
Well, she wasn’t wearing a ring and there was no tan line on the designated finger. When I pointed this out with a laugh, she said that she lost her ring when it went down the kitchen drain.
Now Doc, had she been wearing a wedding ring I would’ve respected her union and chalked up the banter to nothing but friendly conversation. But due to the fact that she appeared otherwise unattached (i.e., no ring) and displayed buying signals, I made the move. Wouldn’t anyone in my position have done the same thing?
Is this girl just a liar with low Interest Level? Or married with 40% to 49% Interest Level in her hubby? I can’t quite figure it out. And Doc, it’s not the first time something like this has happened to me. Is this a phenomenon that’s growing or something?
I look forward to your usual brilliant insights.
Smith - who feels taken for a ride
First of all, when you’re dealing with a married woman who doesn’t wear a wedding ring, you have to think in terms of her Interest Level. If a woman were married – happily married – wouldn’t she want to keep all the wolves away from the door by wearing her wedding band? She wouldn’t want to get into confrontations with undesirable guys, right? She wouldn’t want to needlessly upset her husband by drawing all kinds of unwanted attention, would she?
Of course there’s always the possibility that this one may have lost her ring, but why wasn’t it replaced? Like I always tell you guys, you have to be like detectives on Love and Order to figure out what the heck’s really going on.
So Eva looks exactly like J Lo, huh? Well, there was your first mistake, dude! A J Lo look-alike is the last thing you need if you don’t want trouble – ask Ojani, Cris, P Diddy, and Ben! But seriously, when you got Eva’s name, you forgot to mention something – did she ask you for yours? And when she told you she was married, you should have asked, as my cousin Fast Eddie Love would have, “By any chance, you got a sister?”
There are only a few possibilities regarding what happened at the cleaners, pal:
1) Eva lied because she had low Interest Level -- in you. 2) She told the truth, but she had low Interest Level -- in you. (But when a woman gives you so many buying signals – when they overdo it like Eva did – something’s not right at home. When she told you her ring went swirling down the kitchen drain, you should have asked, “How long ago?” If she said “Yesterday!” it would have told you one thing. If she said “Fourteen years ago!” it would have told you something entirely different. And the answer would have said a lot about the state of her marriage. Which leads us to the next possibilities.) 3) She’s not getting any love and affection at home. 4) Her husband does give her lots of love and affection, but she just doesn’t dig the guy anymore. 5) For some reason she’s just trying to find out whether she’s still got market value – in other words, she needs to see if guys are still interested in her.
You can try until the cows come home to figure out all the reasons why Eva said what she did, but the bottom line is this: you did close the deal by going for the home phone number. Even though you didn’t get it, you did great, buddy.
Because most guys would have chickened out and not have gone for the home phone number. But you had guts, and that was fantastic. Most wimps would have hemmed and hawed, asked Eva if she had a boyfriend or mumbled something like “Can I take you out sometime between now and Armageddon?”
That said, married women losing their wedding bands is a phenomenon only in your life. But this babe flirted, she wasn’t wearing a ring, and you went ahead and asked for the home phone number – that’s all that counts. So you should congratulate yourself. You’re getting hung up on some other stuff here. Maybe this is all Eva’s problem. Maybe you don’t even want to get involved with someone like her – have you thought of that? As Sal “The Fish” Love would say, “You already gotta figure she’s doing some kind of heavy number on her hubby, right?”
Because guys, there’s another type of woman who still has high Interest Level in her husband but when she sees a man she likes, she will flirt with him. And these are the women who tend to dress like sex kittens even after they’re married, because they want other guys watching them. Not that they want to get intimate or romantic with another guy, but they need the strokes. It’s enough to make you think, what’s wrong with the guy she’s got? Why isn’t one enough?
So don’t go getting all bent out of shape here, Smith. You weren’t taken for a ride. You went in there and you spent a measly two minutes on Eva. You really get taken for a ride when you’ve been going with a babe for a year and a half and she empties your wallet. But this was no big deal – you were never even in that cleaners before. Next time you go in, forget about dating Eva. Say to her “Hey, you got a girlfriend for me?”
Remember, guys: don’t go blowing things out of proportion.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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