Doc Love Dating Advice
WOULD DENZEL GET HER NUMBER IF HE TENDED BAR?
Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I’m a long-time follower of your teachings and a regular reader of your columns. I have a unique situation. I work in a high-visibility job as a bartender in a restaurant that is right on the beach in La Jolla, California. The place is literally crawling with Beautiful Women. Sounds good so far, right? My problem is that I’m having trouble figuring out a non-sleazeball approach to getting some numbers there.
Not to blow my own horn, but I’m a good-looking guy (I get regular female praise), take care of myself, and am completely capable of pulling Beautiful Women more often then I do. So my question is this: how in the short 10 to 30 seconds of interaction with these dangerously gorgeous girls do I ask for the home phone number? I know some of these girls dig me since I pick up on their various looks and body language.
But I don’t want to look like a typical shmuck bartender and don’t want to put these women in an uncomfortable position in front of other people. On the other hand, I know I’ve let some amazing prospects slip away because I wasn’t quite sure how to attack them. The way my job works is they come in for lunch or dinner, then while waiting to be seated often make their way up to the bar to order a drink or appetizer. The lobby/waiting area is also the bar area, so I can make eye contact, or if you think it’s appropriate, I could walk around into the lobby for a quick chat. (And no, my employers wouldn’t mind this since it’s a very laid-back atmosphere.)
I hope that this isn’t too specific for you to reply to, but I know that everyone who works at any job will sooner or later encounter possible dating prospects. I feel like a kid in a candy store who’s not allowed to buy anything. Thanks and keep up the good work!
Byron - who feels like his hands are cuffed
First of all, I don’t know why asking for the home phone number is a sleazeball move. In itself, there’s nothing wrong with asking for the home phone number. What you mean is that hustling on the job is sleazy. The thing you have to worry about, buddy, is an irate female customer complaining to your manager. “I come here to have a nice dinner and this guy’s hustling me! I don’t think it’s right!” If that happens, no matter how “laid back” your employers are, you’re on the unemployment line.
So you’re not going to ask for the home phone number, Byron. There are lots of other things you can do, but the main thing – the key to getting any woman – is to MAKE HER LAUGH. Like a comic working out his act at the Improv you’re going to try different lines on them until you find out which one works for you. One of the best around is “What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?” It gets the point across subtly and with a sense of humor. “You got a girlfriend for me?” is another good one.
The point is that you’re not going to go straight at it like a bull in a china shop, because that way you can’t get into hot water on the job. Like a butterfly flitting from flower to flower you’re going to get in and get out. You can’t appear as if you’re hustling these honeys, even though you -- and they -- know that you are.
You’re the man behind the bar, dude. You’re the guy who gets to put on a little show. If I were you, I’d have these girls cracking up all over the place.
But like Sal “The Fish” Love puts it, “There’s more than one way to pull off a job.” When you pick up on their cues, you can also say “We’re having a great band in here on Friday night, or on Wednesdays we feature the best mahi-mahi dinner in town. You and your girlfriend should come in – you’d really enjoy it.”
In other words, you’ve got to toss hints at these gals to come back again for some other reason -- when the only reason really is you. While you’re doing it, you have to pretend that your manager is standing right next to you. Because you have to be very careful who you’re talking to. You might put the move on one girl who takes it as a compliment, but then she goes and mentions it to another who calls the manager to complain. As my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “Some girls don’t want you to make out!”
You claim that you don’t want to be a typical shmuck bartender and don’t want to make these women uncomfortable -- another two reasons why you’re not going to ask for the home phone number. You’re going to do everything but ask that question. (Of course if you ever did slip and ended up in front of a judge, you’d say “Me? I never asked for her home phone number, your honor! You have me confused with somebody else!”)
But I do have a little problem with your letter, Byron. I can’t figure out why at least some of these babes aren’t returning to see you later as it is. If any of these ladies had 85% to 90% Interest Level in you, they would have come back and had a drink with you on another night. They’d bring a girlfriend, commandeer a couple of stools and chat you up. When a woman’s Interest Level hits the 80s, they get real crazy and they’ll do almost anything. They’re not going to let you slip by if they like you.
With the volume you’re seeing and the fact that you’re good-looking, what I suspect is that you’re not saying the right things to these women. You’re doing something wrong. It’s your pitch and personality that’s falling flatter than a stale IHOP flapjack. What exactly are you saying to them? You have to give me the fine details of a case for me to help you crack it. You should have included your approach in your letter so I could tell you what to add or subtract so that you could improve on it. Like I always say, you guys have to be detectives on “Love And Order.”
To use your own words, you’re standing in the middle of the candy store -- but maybe you aren’t handling these sweets properly.
Remember, guys: unless you’re ready to quit next week, don’t ask for the home phone number.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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