Doc Love Dating Advice
DOES BRUCE WILLIS EVER APOLOGIZE WHEN HE’S WRONG?
Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I’ve used your techniques for some time now and I have found that they work in many forms of life’s relationships, not just in dating and love. Please keep spreading the word.
I met my wife-to-be, Keira, through an Internet dating service. She had a degree of interest in me that was through the roof. We dated, became a couple, and she rented a place near mine about 70 miles away from her friends and family, transferred her children to another school and changed her job to be near me. We’ve made a date to get married within the next six months. She says I love you five or six times to my once, is giving and affectionate in public as well as when we’re at her place or mine, initiates romance, wants to take me out on dates, etc.
So why am I writing to you? Doc, I’ve been a jerk! There I was, practicing your laws, giving Keira affection and respect, all the while remaining a Challenge. But I’ve slipped and a few serious arguments have ensued. In a nutshell, I got lazy and took things for granted. I operate a business out of my home and so I don’t need to dress for the office. I have not taken enough care over my appearance and have spent more time working on my
boat than the house, according to Keira. She complained that she works hard at her job and looking after both our places and that she’s dog-tired while all I do is sit on my butt.
While brushing up on your dating laws, I’ve begun to realize that Keira’s
Interest Level might have declined beyond recovery. I would like to think this is not the case, but as you yourself say, sometimes the woman doesn’t even realize herself when it’s gone.
The question I have for you is this. Keira and I need to talk and resolve some issues. Is it okay for me to be a man and admit to her that I have been
neglecting things, and that I’ve been wrong and she’s been right? I don’t mean pour my heart out and get all sloppy, but rather tell her that I realize I have not taken the time to do the things that are important. Does it compromise me to apologize, Doc? I’m afraid of doing the wrong thing at a critical time. Help!
Bryant - who hopes it isn’t too late
A hard fact of romantic life is that when a woman’s Interest Level is 90%, there are no arguments over anything. And that’s why you’re starting to have those ugly spats with Keira -- because that precious index of love is on the wane. You can almost hear the countdown: “80, 70, 60, 55, 52….”
And Interest Level doesn’t decline daily, it dips over weeks and months, and what happens eventually when your head is in the sand is that you turn around it’s gone altogether -- finis. The very best piece of wisdom in the Bible is this: “Pride cometh before the fall.” Bryant, you’ve got a great lady who’s all over you and does everything right, so what the heck are you thinking? You’re about to walk away from the values that captured her heart. Now what sense does that make?
When you mention your crappy appearance that Keira has so much trouble with, what exactly do you mean? That you don’t shave? That you have a belly that looks like you swallowed a whole watermelon? That you don’t stay in the shower for at least 12 minutes? That you don’t have five minutes to iron a shirt? Is your place a pigsty? What are you talking about here? How many hours do you spend on this yacht of yours? You’re giving me generalities. Give me some specifics. How many times have I told you guys that you have to be a love detective on Love and Order? How many times have I said that you have to present me with hard evidence in order to properly work a case?
And by the way, man, how many hours a day are you slumped with your beer and Fritos in front of the TV set? Remember, as Sal “The Fish” Love says, “It’s okay to be a couch potato, as long as the woman isn’t around to see it!”
You say that you fear Keira’s Interest Level is lower than Governor McGreevey’s political career. To you Psych majors, this means her romantic interest in you has traveled just south of the Mason-Dixon Line. It went from 51% to 49%, and as the Reality Factor says, once it hits the dreaded 49%, she’ll stay with you for a while, but it’s over and it’s never coming back.
Bryant, don’t delude yourself into thinking that Keira isn’t aware of her own dwindling Interest Level. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love puts it, “That’s the point when women start having headaches.” Better start watching out for those. (Again, you Psych majors, women with high Interest Level never need Excedrin.)
Finally, you don’t need to “talk” and “resolve things,” dude. You have it only half right. You need to resolve things, but you don’t need to talk. I don’t know whether or not you’re aware of this -- and I don’t want all you Feministas going crazy on me for saying it -- but you’re wasting your time “talking it out” with a woman when you get into hot water. What you have to do is show her through your actions how the “new” you is here to stay and that he won’t fade like a sputtering light bulb like he did the last time.
So what you’re going to do here, Bryant, is tighten up your ship, let Keira fall back in love with you, and hopefully, if her Interest Level is 51% or higher, we’ll bring it all the way back up into the 90s. But you’re not going to wag your tongue.
In the future when you make a mistake, don’t apologize verbally long after the fact. The only time you ever apologize to a woman is at the moment when you screw up. After that, it’s too late. But if she does bring up your mistakes later, then it’s okay to own up to them.
My advice to you is this, and it’s what I tell all men: KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. SHOW HER WHAT YOU MEAN THROUGH YOUR ACTIONS. And if your place is a dump, if your car is a mess, and you’re a walking Big Mac (by the way, guys, you should be hitting the gym three times a week whether or not you like women!), make the house spic and span, buy yourself a good vacuum cleaner, and make sure you look sharp.
Remember, guys: if you don’t get sloppy, you won’t have to worry about going down on your knees and apologizing later.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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