Doc Love Dating Advice

                  Women Donít Lie - Men Donít Listen
                       Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,

Iím a huge fan of your techniques and have already applied a great many of them to my advantage. But I do have a question. I know that you said in your book that talking on the telephone is a no-no in the dating game. But does the same rule apply to instant messaging?

Iíve been dating Cassandra off and on (at my discretion let me hasten to add) for more than a year now. She apparently has high Interest Level in me because sheís always asking me out on dates or to call her. I usually donít because itís a long-distance call and it costs too much money to waste chatting.

Now hereís my problem: instead of spending time on the telephone with Cassandra, we go on line with each other. And when we do, I canít help talking and talking and talking. I actually feel more comfortable talking to her on line than in person, which might say something about our relationship.

But no matter how interesting the things I say might be, I seem to only get brief responses from Cassandra Ė ďYeahĒ and ďOhĒ and that sort of thing -- and I donít hear from her again for up to a week.

I thought this form of communication could loosen both Cassandra and me up and create a stronger bond, but so far I donít think itís happening.

Am I wrong to instant-message Cassandra? Is instant messaging just another form of anti-Challenge?

Thanks in advance for your valuable insights. Maybe you can help me decide whether to take my relationship with Cassandra to another level or let it die.

Ben - who wants to know if he should be using fewer keystrokes

Hi Ben,

You say youíve read my book, but when I looked over your letter it seemed obvious to me that you skipped a bunch of chapters!

Basically youíre asking whether talking on the telephone is equivalent to instant messaging. Now think about it, pal. When I tell you to disappear, when I tell you she loves mystery, when I tell you there should be NO CONTACT, do you think that applies only to the telephone? Disappear means DISAPPEAR! Create some sense of mystery! Create some Challenge!

You tell me that youíve been dating Cassandra for more than a year. Let me ask you a question, Ben. What are you holding on for? Why donít you just cut Cassandra loose? Why waste the girlís time? Itís as plain as the assets on J-Lo that you donít really dig this girl. Face the facts, dude. If you donít even want to spare the scratch to phone this babe, then she canít mean that much to you. (The last time I looked, the long distance carriers were practically killing each other over who could offer the lowest price to Norway! Maybe you should get a night job, Ben!)

Nevertheless, you say that you blab-blab-blab to Cassandra when you get on the computer. Like most guys, you pour your heart out, you spill your guts, you kill off any semblance of mystery. No wonder your romance is stuck in permanent neutral. Youíre as far from being a Challenge as Ricki Lake is from dropping 55 pounds.

Cassandraís responses when you instant message are ďYeahĒ and ďOhĒ? Now what do you figure that translates to in Womanese? Does it mean she has high Interest Level in you? I think not, Ben. If she asks you out on dates, itís only because sheís lonelier than you are, thatís all. I donít mind her ďYeah-ingĒ and ďOh-ingĒ so much (though it does indicate that sheís about as interested in you as George Clooney is in being married). What bothers me is that YOU keep coming back for another beating when she does her impersonation of a wall. Or as my cousin Fast Eddie Love would say, ďLetís bury this thing another 20 feet deeper!Ē

Guy, there are 10,000 so-called love doctors out there, and Iím the only one who understands Ė and says -- that CHALLENGE constitutes one-third of your troops in the War of Love. Thatís the biggest trick Ė and weapon -- we have: CHALLENGE. Everybody knows you need Confidence and Self-Control. Be a gentleman, make íem laugh, be neat and clean and well groomed Ė everybody knows that, too. But what I say thatís unique is GET OFF YOUR KNEES AND DONíT BEG, and the other fakers and phonies donít. If you donít believe me, go watch Oprah!

Your final question is whether or not instant messaging is one more example of anti-Challenge. Answer: Absolutely. Positively. 100%! Bingo! Bulls-eye!

Right now the ER is estimating that chances are only one in five that your romance with Cassandra is going to make it. But the more important point is this: you have to study. You just canít read my book once and expect to get it. You have to apply yourself and do everything I tell you to do. My regimen is like the training to become an army ranger. Youíre going to have to be disciplined. Youíre going to have to get tough, or else youíll revert to your old, pathetic, loser ways.

So Ben, Iíd suggest that you take that keyboard of yours, open the window, and toss it out, and listen to it as it bangs and crunches and bounces down the steps.

Remember, guys: when I say disappear, that means DISAPPEAR!

To send me your love questions or to find out more about ďThe System,Ē visit me at or call (800) 404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, ďWhy do you stay with one man versus another?Ē

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