Doc Love Dating Advice
IS THERE EVER A GOOD REASON TO BREAK A DATE?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I saw this ridiculously pretty girl, Sandy (not her real name), at my yoga class a few weeks ago. She kept smiling at me, so I followed your advice, Doc, and immediately after class, right in front of a bunch of other women (I couldn’t talk to her in private), I asked her for her phone number.
When I asked her, this sort of ‘should I or shouldn’t I’ look came over her face for a few seconds. That’s when I felt like – “Oh man, I shouldn’t have been so direct so soon. Now I’m really going to look like a fool.” But then, almost like a miracle, she reached in her purse and took out a pen and paper and wrote down her number and handed it to me and then gave me another great smile.
I was totally stoked when she handed me that piece of paper. I also have to say that I really felt good about myself for taking the risk. I asked for the home phone number, Doc, and I did it with an audience of people watching. I walked out of that yoga class feeling like a hero.
So, Sandy and I have gone out twice since then, and both dates went really well. We seem to have good chemistry together. We were scheduled to go out a third time last Tuesday night, but on Tuesday afternoon she called me at work to say that she reluctantly had to cancel our date.
She said that her dog, “Roscoe,” had been injured by a car that morning and that she needed to stay with him at the veterinary hospital. But she apologized profusely for having to cancel and wanted to re-schedule, right then and there, for the following Tuesday. I hesitated for a moment because I know you say that ANY broken date is bad news, but she was so insistent and so enthusiastic that I felt like I’d be kind of a jerk if I didn’t accept.
Still, I’m not sure if I did the right thing. Did I blow it Doc? How should I handle this now? (Please respond as soon as you can, Tuesday will be here in a few days.)
Tanner- who wants to know if he did the right thing
First of all, let me commend you for summoning the courage to ‘close’ Sandy while an audience of other females looked on. I know from my early days as a junior Love Doctor how intimidating that can be. Most guys chicken out when they have an audience watching when it’s time to ask for the number, even though they’re dying to ask for it.
But, Tanner, once you commit to taking action you have to stay committed and maintain a positive attitude. One moment of hesitation from this girl and you were ready to sell out “The System.” So what if she had said no. You did the right thing. You noticed she was flirting with you. Then you made your move because you were interested in her and you needed her number to be able to ask her out. You did exactly what you’re supposed to do. You should never feel insecure or be apologetic about asking a girl for her home phone number. Even if she tries to shame you after you ask (which they sometimes do).
All right, now let’s examine this broken date situation as a detective from “Love and Order” would. The Reality Factor says, we don’t know if Sandy’s excuse is completely legitimate or if it’s total fiction. Usually, even the most compelling story a girl gives you for breaking a date turns out to be just that, a story. And she winds up canceling any subsequent date that you arrange with her as well. Once I had a girl call me as I was walking out the door to pick her up and tell me that she had to cancel our date because her pregnant sister was just going into labor and she had to meet her at the hospital. It turned out she didn’t have a sister.
The main issue here, Tanner, is respect. When you accept a counter offer for another date from a girl who is calling to break a date with you, you’re, in effect, telling her that she has your permission to jerk you around. What you should have said was “Sandy, we don’t know how quickly little Roscoe is going to recover, and he is going to need your full attention and care for awhile. So let’s wait and see how he does before we re-schedule.” To say something like that would be taking charge of the situation and taking your power back. As my Uncle Jethro Love would say, “When that Lil’ Mustang gets ornery on you, you gotta pull back on the reigns.”
At this point, the strongest thing you can do is call Sandy back on Monday and break the Tuesday date with her. Make up some convincing whopper of your own. Don’t suggest any day as an alternative. Instead, just say, “So hey, I’m in a rush right now, but let’s talk later on.” Do not tell her that YOU will call HER. Keep it ambiguous.
Then, you have to out-wait her. If she never calls back, then you’ll know that her Interest Level in you was never high to begin with, and you will have saved yourself from more disappointment and another wasted $100 on dinner for two.
In order for the two of you to go out again, SHE must call YOU. She must apologize again. And, SHE must ask YOU out. If she does all those things, then you can put her on probation and give her another chance. But one more red flag from this babe and it’s Adios Amiga!
Remember, guys, to ask yourselves, “How many dates have I broken in my entire life?”
To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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